Pandemic Panic

Going Stir Crazy:  It’s not a political thing.  We are all into this together because the rules and regulations concerning the Corona virus are having an affect on all of us.  The schools are closed (Spring Break isn’t, apparently!), tele-schooling is the new thing (except for those who have been taking on-line classes for years), as well as teleworking, teleconferencing, telemedicine, telemarketing (can you say SPAM calls), and teleworshipping (I think we can discount Jim Baker and Tami Faye back in the day!).     

Two weeks ago, the DOW was over 29,000: today in the 19,000s!  Covid-panic'd stock market!  People sell low and buy high… isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?  I just peeked at my 401k, a, b, c… whatever; oh, it is a “paper loss!”they say.  Thank goodness for that kind of paper; at least no one is hoarding it!  I wish car dealers would sell their new rides low and buy used ones high!  Maybe a new business model!

Handshaking is now over, and some dope wants you to whack your elbows together so your crazy bones will buzz.  Let’s see… we could use the “Namaste bow;” the Tibetan “show me your tongue;” or the one I like, the Chinese greeting (hopefully, this isn’t racist!) where you double up your right fist and put your open left palm above it, representing the “yin and yang” of life.  Just don’t wag your gun finger in an uncontrolled manner; you might get arrested for flesh violence.  

The toilet paper saga is getting old:  the other day I was behind a guy who had three 8-rolls of some brand of TP encased in a purple wrapper and a bottle of wine.  I tried to figure out if the two went together.  (Hey, I bet you wish you had the rolls of toilet paper that your kid used to TP the house of his buddy back on your shelf, that way you wouldn’t have to hoard all that tissue so your neighbor has none.  I know, you don’t care.)

Speaking of that, I needed something from Target; I hardly ever go there because if I needed to use the bathroom, I’m not sure which one is acceptable for me to use.  I hate being politically incorrect; I always get crap for that.  But I digress… So, I thought I’d go back to the cleaning products aisle and see if there were any bottom-cleaning products:  Sure enough, not a single roll left!  The shelves were bare… except for a two pack roll of “Bounty Prints:  The Quicker Picker Upper.”  PS: Stop calling 911 when you can’t find toilet paper on the shelf!  Get creative… share with a friend. 

 Yesterday evening I went to In-N-Out Burger for my 800 calories:  I added it up and it was over 850 and I hadn’t ordered a drink!  The seat police wouldn’t let me sit down; she was cute, in her Burger outfit, but the swinging dirty dish rag which she held menacing toward me made me think twice about pushing past her.  Social distancing: no seating allowed in the restaurant, but I could carry out or order from the Tacoma and hang outside. 

I just bought a six-foot leash to walk my dog; I have heard that dogs and cats can’t pass the Corona virus on to humans, which is good news.  But the length of the leash is a passive yardstick:  I’ll know how far to stay away from all the people clogging the sidewalks out walking, allegedly getting fresh air!  You know they are out walking because they are bored!  I’ve been walking my dog for ten years and the only time I’ve seen so many people out is when they are accompanying their kids, trick-or-treating at Halloween!

I went to Costco a bit ago to get a chicken salad at the food court; Mickey loves to go to Costco for bits of chicken and “love!”  Whoa… the food court is only selling hotdogs and pizza!  There was only one guy buying at the window, when normally it would be standing-room-only!  There are signs posted over the other choices saying, “Unavailable.”  Turns out it is “unavailable” because they are limiting choices to limit people!  And nowhere to sit!   The big sign at the entrance listed all the things unavailable, including toilet paper, dry dog food and Vitamin C, as a food hosts squirts an unknown chemical on the shopping cart handles.   But there she was, the chic in the white Mercedes SUV with cases and cases of water!  She had two Costco workers loading that thing to the brim… no social distancing there!  What happened to concern over plastics… or for that matter, what’s wrong with “tap water?” 

 

How many more days till the self-quarantine is over?  Eleven?   This is going to get interesting!