Pandemic Panic

Going Stir Crazy:  It’s not a political thing.  We are all into this together because the rules and regulations concerning the Corona virus are having an affect on all of us.  The schools are closed (Spring Break isn’t, apparently!), tele-schooling is the new thing (except for those who have been taking on-line classes for years), as well as teleworking, teleconferencing, telemedicine, telemarketing (can you say SPAM calls), and teleworshipping (I think we can discount Jim Baker and Tami Faye back in the day!).     

Two weeks ago, the DOW was over 29,000: today in the 19,000s!  Covid-panic'd stock market!  People sell low and buy high… isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?  I just peeked at my 401k, a, b, c… whatever; oh, it is a “paper loss!”they say.  Thank goodness for that kind of paper; at least no one is hoarding it!  I wish car dealers would sell their new rides low and buy used ones high!  Maybe a new business model!

Handshaking is now over, and some dope wants you to whack your elbows together so your crazy bones will buzz.  Let’s see… we could use the “Namaste bow;” the Tibetan “show me your tongue;” or the one I like, the Chinese greeting (hopefully, this isn’t racist!) where you double up your right fist and put your open left palm above it, representing the “yin and yang” of life.  Just don’t wag your gun finger in an uncontrolled manner; you might get arrested for flesh violence.  

The toilet paper saga is getting old:  the other day I was behind a guy who had three 8-rolls of some brand of TP encased in a purple wrapper and a bottle of wine.  I tried to figure out if the two went together.  (Hey, I bet you wish you had the rolls of toilet paper that your kid used to TP the house of his buddy back on your shelf, that way you wouldn’t have to hoard all that tissue so your neighbor has none.  I know, you don’t care.)

Speaking of that, I needed something from Target; I hardly ever go there because if I needed to use the bathroom, I’m not sure which one is acceptable for me to use.  I hate being politically incorrect; I always get crap for that.  But I digress… So, I thought I’d go back to the cleaning products aisle and see if there were any bottom-cleaning products:  Sure enough, not a single roll left!  The shelves were bare… except for a two pack roll of “Bounty Prints:  The Quicker Picker Upper.”  PS: Stop calling 911 when you can’t find toilet paper on the shelf!  Get creative… share with a friend. 

 Yesterday evening I went to In-N-Out Burger for my 800 calories:  I added it up and it was over 850 and I hadn’t ordered a drink!  The seat police wouldn’t let me sit down; she was cute, in her Burger outfit, but the swinging dirty dish rag which she held menacing toward me made me think twice about pushing past her.  Social distancing: no seating allowed in the restaurant, but I could carry out or order from the Tacoma and hang outside. 

I just bought a six-foot leash to walk my dog; I have heard that dogs and cats can’t pass the Corona virus on to humans, which is good news.  But the length of the leash is a passive yardstick:  I’ll know how far to stay away from all the people clogging the sidewalks out walking, allegedly getting fresh air!  You know they are out walking because they are bored!  I’ve been walking my dog for ten years and the only time I’ve seen so many people out is when they are accompanying their kids, trick-or-treating at Halloween!

I went to Costco a bit ago to get a chicken salad at the food court; Mickey loves to go to Costco for bits of chicken and “love!”  Whoa… the food court is only selling hotdogs and pizza!  There was only one guy buying at the window, when normally it would be standing-room-only!  There are signs posted over the other choices saying, “Unavailable.”  Turns out it is “unavailable” because they are limiting choices to limit people!  And nowhere to sit!   The big sign at the entrance listed all the things unavailable, including toilet paper, dry dog food and Vitamin C, as a food hosts squirts an unknown chemical on the shopping cart handles.   But there she was, the chic in the white Mercedes SUV with cases and cases of water!  She had two Costco workers loading that thing to the brim… no social distancing there!  What happened to concern over plastics… or for that matter, what’s wrong with “tap water?” 

 

How many more days till the self-quarantine is over?  Eleven?   This is going to get interesting!     

You can never be too cautious with hype!

So yesterday I presented myself, dapperly dressed and well-groomed, at the reception desk of an aerospace company near L.A. for a scheduled meeting.  The kind lady behind the large, pink glasses asked if I had an appointment: Yes.  Had I ever been signed in:  No.  So I was instructed to follow the prompts for signing in on an IPad-like device; I was requested to smile at the center of the screen for a photo (why did I feel like I was at the DMV getting my license photo), then I was presented with a company visitor badge suspended on a bright red lanyard (the symbolism was “caution... stranger danger!”) with my photo attached.  I was then directed to sit in a fake leather chair to wait for the person I was scheduled to meet.  

A minute or so later, the pink-glassed lady (she looked like she lived in Venice Beach) summonsed me back to the desk:  “Here, I have something you need to fill out,” she said as she pushed a piece of paper in my direction with a blank stare.  

It was odd… it seemed like it was a 9x6 inch piece of paper, not sure why it wasn’t a standard 5x7 or 8x10.  Maybe they were pinching pennies to make up losses on large CEO compensation.   I looked at the printing:  I had to squint because the printing seemed to be faded on the page – it wasn’t a crisp black, more a faded gray (it didn’t seem fitting for such a company).

Anyway, here are the questions I remember: 

1    .  When was the last time you visited China?   I had to think about that…. 1983?   (Did that really matter or were they looking for Asian spies?)

2    .  Have you visited China in the last fourteen days?  (Ah, now I know where this was headed!)

3    .  Have you received any packages from China in the last sixty days?  (Amazon Prime, anyone?)

4    .  Do you live with anyone who has visited China in the last sixty days?  mmmmm….

5    .  Do you anticipate visiting China in the next sixty day? (That seems like none of your business.)

6    .  Have you associated or worked with anyone who has visited China in the last sixty days?  

7    .  Do you have any medical issues, including a fever, cough or other symptoms which you have noticed in the last month?  (Wow… sounds like HIPA violation to reveal medical information.)

I think there were a couple other highly probing questions but due to my age I can’t remember them. 

Look, here’s the thing:  Right now, there are 15 cases of the coronavirus in the United States… and most of them we have airlifted here to California from China.  (Can’t make it up.) 

The hype surrounding this is crazy to watch:  Here in San Diego, two or three are under quarantine at a local hospital.  One was released accidentally; then the person was put back in quarantine… just in case.  (Hope he or she isn’t a “supper spreader.”)   An Asian kid was beat up in San Fran because he was suspected of being Chinese and because of his ethnicity, surely a carrier.  And the China Lunar New Year parade has been cancelled out of caution.

Did you see, a bunch of detainees were released the other day near Riverside, CA after fourteen days in quarantine and they threw their face masks into the air like a graduation ceremony?  Then they were told, “Maybe the incubation period is 24 days, not 14 days.”  And an epidemiologist just said airport screenings “aren’t that valuable.”

So the craziness continues – even at a local business!  Is every business going to do health screening just to allow the public to enter?  Imagine your local grocery store screening everyone coming in to buy chickens.  Still find it crazy an aerospace needed to do health screening to enter their premises.  (Next, they will be asking who I like… Bernie, Amy, Andrew, Tom, Mayor Pete or Joe?)

 
One question they didn’t ask me on the questionnaire:  “Do you eat Chinese food?”  Thank goodness they didn’t ask:  I had just finished eating lunch at Panda Express